B.RAMAN
It is 27 months since we started living together---my present mistress and I.
I had known other women in my life. I met them somewhere, somehow. We drank, sang and danced together. We spent nights wandering in the streets of Paris, Geneva,Amsterdam, Rome, Venice,Naples, Montreal,Jerusalem, Tokyo, Bangkok, Vientiane, Copenhagen,Athens, Damascus,Kampala, Istanbul.We spent hours, days and weeks in the Islands of Greece, Bali, Angkor Wat.
We developed a liking for each other, a love for each other. We started living together---live-in companions. When we could live together no longer, we said adieu to each other. A painful adieu, but the pain lasted only till I met someone new. I was like Claude Francois’ vagabond of no importance. Like George Moustaki’s gypsy.
One night in 2009, as I was sleeping alone in my bed, I woke up to realise I was not alone. I had a new live-in companion---one I had not met or known before. She had unnoticed, unfelt, unsensed ,uninvited moved in to live with me.
She has been there all the time---a part of me. She follows me wherever I go like a shadow. She sleeps with me. We have no love for each other. Yet, we are destined to live together . Hang out together. Only death can part us.
How to describe my emotions when I found her inside me? Not happiness----definitely not. Sorrow? I don’t think so. Shock? A little bit.Fear, possibly.
Whatever were the predominant emotions, I managed to bring them under control. I managed to rid myself of the fear of pain and death. Blood coming out of my body---like water from the fountains of Versailles--- no longer unnerves me.
I have lost my initial fears of this unknown mistress. Disappointment lingers. That after having spent my life with wonderful women, I should be condemned to spend the last years of my life with a mistress whom I do not love.
But I had no choice. What cannot be cured has to be endured. What cannot be shaken off has to be accepted.
I have accepted my new mistress. I have learnt to live in peaceful co-existence with her. She has helped me get rid of the fear of pain and death.
I was born again in 2011. I have re-discovered the zest for life. I live and travel again. I do once again all the things which I had always loved doing---reading, writing, listening to music, fraternising with people, loving wonderful women.
I feel young again. I feel the best of me is yet to come. 75 is not an old age---an age of philosophical resignation with nothing more to look forward to till I die. It is an age of re-discovery of myself. An age of new thoughts and new love. Like the vagabond, I have started singing again---songs of life, love and tears.
2012---- Here I come (31-12-2011)
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5 comments:
Great words Sir. I've bee observing a sense of solitude in your tweets in the last few weeks. maybe this would help.
Rain, My Love
I saw her when the clouds shed tears
I met her in a drizzle,
And when we met each other, it was raining.
We walked in that rain,
Our words merged worlds,
And we began living in one word, one world.
We spoke a lot about nothing,
You laughed whenever I did,
But every time you did, I stepped into a puddle.
My feet got wet, no matter,
Coz we both were dripping wet,
In rain, in happiness, in love...
That year, the rain,
Was our love’s spring,
For it bloomed as it flowed...
Rivers smile at the rain,
She gives them life,
And I smile at you, for you’re my life...
Flowers dance in the rain,
She wakes them out of a slumber,
Like you woke me and showed me life.
Rain is a mother, she nurtures,
The world is a baby in her arms,
Like me in yours, my love.
My teary eyes remind me of farmers,
We are comrades in waiting,
To him, the rain of the cloud. To me, that of love.
And as you both enter, the frown disappears,
Clearing room for a beaming smile,
That fills the dry cracks, in his soil and my heart.
You are my rainmaker, for you make me fertile,
You are my rain, for quenching my thirst,
You are me, for you made me forget me.
With you there is life, for you are life,
For you I live and in me you live,
So come to me, embrace me and give me life, my love.
Great words Sir. I've been observing a sense of solitude in your tweets in the last few weeks. maybe this would help.
Rain, My Love
I saw her when the clouds shed tears
I met her in a drizzle,
And when we met each other, it was raining.
We walked in that rain,
Our words merged worlds,
And we began living in one word, one world.
We spoke a lot about nothing,
You laughed whenever I did,
But every time you did, I stepped into a puddle.
My feet got wet, no matter,
Coz we both were dripping wet,
In rain, in happiness, in love...
That year, the rain,
Was our love’s spring,
For it bloomed as it flowed...
Rivers smile at the rain,
She gives them life,
And I smile at you, for you’re my life...
Flowers dance in the rain,
She wakes them out of a slumber,
Like you woke me and showed me life.
Rain is a mother, she nurtures,
The world is a baby in her arms,
Like me in yours, my love.
My teary eyes remind me of farmers,
We are comrades in waiting,
To him, the rain of the cloud. To me, that of love.
And as you both enter, the frown disappears,
Clearing room for a beaming smile,
That fills the dry cracks, in his soil and my heart.
You are my rainmaker, for you make me fertile,
You are my rain, for quenching my thirst,
You are me, for you made me forget me.
With you there is life, for you are life,
For you I live and in me you live,
So come to me, embrace me and give me life, my love.
Sir,
Your comments are encouraging to every youth who is reading to live a full and complete life.
And your depth of understanding, lot of books reading are shown even if you are intentional.
I wish you all the best to have another 75 years innings as India needs not just one of you but so many of you in this hour of crisis and hopelessness.
R Balaji
Sorry,
My earlier comment
"if you are intentional" should be read as "if you are not intentional".
Sorry for the typo.
R Balaji
main zindagi ka saath nibhata chala gaya!
har fiqr ko dhuenmein udata chala gaya!
Gam aur khushi mein farq naa mehsus ho jahan, mein khudko us mooqam pe lata chala gaya.
happy new yr to u guruji!
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